When you want something desperately, it slips from your fingers.
But when you finally can let it go, it winds up coming right back to you,
or you get something better.
I have one more week of vacation at home,
but I find myself desperately wanting to stay longer now.
It's kind of funny that way.
I had gone into the Summer thinking it would be the worst,
and that's how it happened for the first half or longer.
I had few friends in the area,
had no license (at 25- laughable, really),
no form of transportation,
and family was rarely around to spend real quality time with,
especially with chaos happening left and right (mostly health problems).
Everything was terrible.
I was lonely and miserable,
and obviously extremely unproductive.
as I discussed with my Dad recently,
the Summer wasn't all useless.
It provided very fruitful, actually.
It served as a time for reflection and meditation,
and I discovered a lot about life and love and myself.
I picked myself up despite my depression,
and forced myself to keep walking,
and ended up making more friends along the way.
Where I once had nobody to call on at home,
I now have friends asking me when I'm coming back so we can hang out.
You'll have to understand this is all very new for me,
someone who lived her whole childhood as a social oddity,
with very few friends to count on.
The friends I did have, I only hung out with during school hours.
The rest of the time, I was alone.
I wasn't often invited out to parties or get-togethers.
In fact, I can count on one hand how many times someone ever asked me if I had any plans.
But here I am,
about to leave,
and I almost don't want to.
The friends I've accumulated in the past few months have helped me more than they would probably realize.
I have more confidence in myself than ever before.
I even danced in public without worrying about what others thought of me!
(And with a guy! That was definitely a first!)
The only way I can describe how I feel right now is...
It's like my soul is exploding with love and joy for life.
And I don't want it to end.
But that's just the thing.
I can hold onto that,
and carry it back with me to school,
and put all of that into my work,
and it will make it better than ever before.
My life is fuller,
my heart is healing (slowly but surely),
and my head is reeling from how crazy a Summer it's actually been.
I'm looking forward to going back to Savannah,
but now I'm actually looking forward to visiting Aurora again.
I love you all.
Thank you for helping me along the way.
Love in Christ,
-Emily J Sampson